Life Is An Open Book Test
Phone Notes Vol. 1: September 26, 2024
No, this isn’t a sermon and I’m not talking about that book or a book at all actually. My 35th birthday is 2 weeks away and I’m convinced that I’m having a midlife crisis. I want to leave and never return, trying my best not to oquit my job every fucking day, thinking about changing my appearance and name, and the list goes on and on and on. Ultimately, I’m in desperate need of a change in every area of my life. But as the saying goes, “Everywhere you go, there you are.” This has been a vicious cycle that has to stop right here and right now.
Before the pandemic, I’d have issues with maybe one or two things. But since 2020, it’s been everything all at once and as soon as I come up for air, there’s more and more shit to handle, process, address, pay for, wait for express and I’m tired! On top of all that, I’m single AF and going through all of these things by myself. No shade to my friends, fam, and therapist who have been there for me. But it’s just different when you have a man there to talk to and just make things a bit easier with the mundane day to day bullshit. And on top of the top of that, I’m also sober AF with absolutely no desire to be drunk, high or cross faded, although at times I feel like I may need it. With that being said, I’m feeling all the feels…thinking all the thoughts…and trying to do everything in my power that could possibly be done but I still feel like I’m getting absolutely nowhere.
While listening to one of my favorite podcasts The Friend Zone yesterday, I was reminded that I’m not alone and apparently this type of thing happens around the age of 35 which is right around the corner.
This morning after trying to convince myself to go to work, I gave in to my heart and soul and said no. I typically order Dunkin for breakfast on Uber Eats and have it delivered to the office downtown to motivate me to get out of bed, but I’m broke AF because my car decided not to start the other day. Anyway, I’m done settling. I’m done talking. I’m done accepting less than I deserve. I’m done putting a big red clearance sticker on my worth. I’m done working for free. I’m done acting like I’m okay. Is this a crash out?! Am I crashing out as the kids say?!?! If I am, I don’t even give a fuck.
In spite of the series of unfortunate events that have transpired over the week, I still have a glimmer of hope and I’m focusing on Helene’s silver lining. God, the universe, and my ancestors have showed me that I’m not alone and they got my back. I’m in alignment.
Although the tests have been coming at me pretty fast lately, there’s no pressure because I can simply find all the answers. We’re living in the age of information and I can easily access the internet for a Google search or even better, holla at my boy Chat GPT. There are also people who are great resources as well. Will it take a bit more time and effort? Yes. But it’s best to take your time and get it right than to rush and get it wrong. Also, even if that were to happen, sometimes getting it wrong actually leads to you getting it right in the end. Everything always works out.
Live life. Learn the lesson. Level up. Repeat.
